I’m going to give you the best piece of Adult Life Is Hard advice I’ve ever learned:
Talk to people when things go to shit.
I don’t just mean get it off your chest, although that’s good. I mean: Something’s wrong with your paycheck/you lost your job/you had unexpected emergency car repairs and now you’re broke so your credit card payment is late. Like, not just 15 days late. We’re talking, shit got crazy and now you’re 90 days late with compounded interest and late fees and the Minimum Payment Due is, like, $390, and you’ve got about $3.90 in your bank account. Call the credit card company.
I know it’s scary. I know you feel like you’re going to get in trouble, like you’re gong to get yelled at or scolded for not having your life together. But the credit card company isn’t your parents; they’re just interested in getting money from you. And you can’t squeeze blood from a stone or money from someone who doesn’t have any. So what you do is you call them. You explain you’re experiencing temporary financial hardships, and you’re currently unable to bring your account up to date, but you don’t want to just let it get worse. Can you maybe talk to someone about a payment plan so you can work something out? Nine times out of ten you’ll be able to negotiate something so that at least it’s not just taking a constant, giant shit on your credit score.
- Can’t pay your power bill? Call the power company.
- Can’t pay your full rent? Talk to your landlord.
- Had to go to the hospital without insurance and have giant medical bills looming in your place? Call the hospital and ask if they have someone who helps people with financial hardships. Many do.
- Got super sick and missed half a semester of class because flu/pneumonia/auto-immune problems/depressive episode? Talk to your professor. If that doesn’t help, talk to your advisor.
You may not be able to fix everything, but you’ll likely be able to make improvements. At the very least, it’s possible that they have a list of people you can contact to help you with things. (Also, don’t be afraid to google things like, “I can’t pay my power bill [state you live in]” because you’d be surprised at what turns up on Google!) But the thing is, people in these positions gain nothing if you fail. There’s no emotional satisfaction for them if your attempts at having your life together completely bite the dust. In fact, they stand to benefit if things work out for you! And chances are, they’ll be completely happy to take $20 a month from you over getting $0 a month from you, your account will be considered current because you’ve talked to them and made an agreement, you won’t get reported to a collections agency, and your credit score won’t completely tank.
Here’s some helpful tips to keep in mind:
1. Be polite. Don’t demand things; request them. Let me tell you about how customer service people hold your life in their hands and how many extra miles they’ll go for someone who is nice to them.
2. Stick to the facts, and keep them minimal unless asked for them. Chances are they’re not really interested in the details. “We had several family emergencies in a row, and now I’m having trouble making the payments” is better than “Well, two months ago my husband wrecked his bike, and then he had a reaction to the muscle relaxer they gave him, and then our dog swallowed a shoestring and we had to take him to the emergency clinic, and just last week MY car broke down, and now my account’s in the negatives and I don’t know how I’m gonna get it back out.” The person you’re talking to is aware shit happens to everyone; they don’t need the details to prove you’re somehow “worthy” of being helped. They may ask you for details at a certain point if they have to fill out any kind of request form, but let them do that.
3. Ask questions. “Is there anything we can do about X?” “Would it be possible to move my payment date to Y day instead so it’s not coming out of the same paycheck as my rent?” The answer may be “no.” That’s not a failure on your part. But a good customer service person may have an alternate solution.
Anyway! I hope that helps! Don’t just assume the answer is “no” before you’ve even begun. There is more help out there than you ever imagined.
Good practical advice. There have been times I’ve had to do these things and usually they worked. Also, the best practical self-help program about money is Debtors Anonymous, which is not only for debtors. They will help you track how much you spend, how much you need to live (which is often more than you thought), will help you negotiate with creditors and generally be very nice and supportive.
All for free and no or very little religious bullshit.
For medical services (other than a simple office visit), always ask for an itemized bill and make sure that everything on the bill was actually administered. Challenge anything you don’t believe.
People don’t know you need help unless you speak up. I think that’s part of losing the magical thinking of childhood, when you realize that adults aren’t actually mind readers and need some help in order to know how to help you.
When I went to my therapist at almost 40 years old and told her that since my insurance didn’t cover counseling, I didn’t know how I could pay $140/visit out of pocket. But I knew that I needed her. She gave me her uninsured patient rate of $80/visit - still more than I could really afford, but much easier to handle than $140. I felt initially humiliated that I had to ask for help, but she was so gracious about it.
I’ve called customer service reps to discuss many bills that didn’t seem right, and you know what - they almost never were right. They were happy to help make things right. Their job is to keep customers, and again - they don’t know how to help if they don’t know that help is needed.
“Radical softness is the idea that unapologetically sharing your emotions is a political move and a way to combat the societal idea that feelings are a sign of weakness”— Lora Mathis
I went to a Q&A seminar with Antoni and Karamo and they told us that at Queer Eye auditions Jonathan literally ran from room to room yelling “WHERE IS SHE” over and over again and while everyone assumed it was about the casting director or something it was, in fact, about a Starbucks cup he’d lost, and I need you all to know that Jonathan lives on maximum 24/7. He is a force that cannot be contained